Pandemic Medicine - 2020
This work is my musical “thank you” to the medical professionals who have given so much throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.
In May of 2020, I interviewed several emergency room doctors, nurses, pediatricians, and nurse practitioners about their experiences during this global phenomenon. They were gracious enough to be honest with me, and give me an inside look into their daily lives. Throughout those interviews, it became obvious that nearly every one of these wonderful humans was experiencing the same four emotions. They felt anxious, contaminated, isolated, and exhausted. Please read those words again and let them sink in. I decided to write music that draws from those four feelings, but also offers the opposite of each: calm, cleanliness, connection, and relief. Though every listener may hear different emotions in each movement of the piece, my hope is that everyone has a moment of calm, cleanliness, connection, and relief…particularly those who continuously put our safety and health above their own.
Thank you sincerely.
Performed by: Andrew Kam (violin), Shira Katsman (violin), Anna Silarski (viola), and Erika Fiebig (cello)
*A note: You may notice the sound of breaths throughout the piece. Each interviewee was asked to submit a short recording of their own breath, which was then used at various places within one of the three movements. These are intended to come sporadically. At the end of the third movement, each person’s breath inhales and exhales together.
In their own words…
“There's a sense of impending chaos that spills out into time with family, conversations with colleagues, expectations of patients. It feels like a really anxiety provoking time. After work there's gratitude that another day has passed, but that feeling of not knowing if I was exposed and will then expose family still lingers.”
“A job I dream about I now dread. Will today be the day I’m not safe? Is it my day to take care of a covid patient again? People outside of the hospital are scared of me, I’m contaminated.”
“I have insomnia now. I have no energy and find it nearly impossible to find the motivation to any kind of cooking, cleaning, or exercise.”
“We fight more, because we’re always thinking and because work is constantly changing.”
“We spend more time together talking (and laughing) and enjoying each other, more time preparing meals, more PRESENT time during meals (dinner movies and Netflix watching w dinner are rare now), playing board games (even silly ones), walking together, playing music together and over all are doing a better job i think of supporting each other than when life was a bit more busy and rushed and less home-based.”
“Not seeing family for several months during isolation.”
“I try to keep my anxiety out of view for the kids.”
“My husband and I are both healthcare providers, we’ve started stripping naked in the back room of our house the second we return home in attempts to decrease any viral load in our home.
“sleep has been fragmented wanting to sleep more but can't stay asleep”
“I feel a lot more lonely and hopeless... but my reaction towards that is usually anger.”
“I feel like I can sense other people's fear, it’s almost tangible. I feel easily overwhelmed.”
“I feel deep sorrow for the family's that I have to say no to when they just want to see their loved one for possibly the last time.”
“I am more and more grateful for the abundance of gifts and resources available to my family and notice a heightened awareness of the pain so many are struggling with, especially how this pandemic hits hardest at times those who are already marginalized and have less access to supports. I think much more about what I could be doing to help make the world a better place in bigger and newer ways than I have.”